When Your Ex Moves On, But You're Still Holding On

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 03/16/2016 | 03:30 PM EDT

(Photo: Skynesher/Getty Images)

Ciara and Russell Wilson backlash reminds us that exes have feelings too

Though pop dating culture has convinced us that getting over an ex is a natural and seamless process, the truth is that moving on can be sucky and feel quite painful. 

Like a death, a breakup is quite literally the loss of a person you love. The only difference is that they're not six feet under, and can still annoyingly pop up on your social media timelines with pictures of them enjoying their lives without you. It can be especially painful when your ex decides to move on, and then suddenly he's flaunting his new relationship in your face. 

Then comes the self-pitying thoughts like How could he move on so quickly?  OR Why couldn't he be that happy with ME?!

Though women are conditioned to have it all together and never let your ex (or the next woman) see you sweat, the reality is that sometimes you feel like you're not yet ready to move on, no matter how long ago the breakup happened.

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Take Ciara and Russell Wilson's exes for example. When the adorable couple publicly announced their engagement to the world, it didn't take long for Ciara's ex-fianc√©, Future, and Wilson's ex-wife, Ashton Wilson, to throw a little online shade. As petty as it may be, it reminds us that exes have feelings too, and that no matter what side of the bed you sleep on, we can all agree that seeing someone you love(d), and hoped to spend the rest of your life with, suddenly move on with someone new kind of stings.

Unfortunately that's just how the cookie crumbles. People get together, and people break up. But "moving on" is a personal journey. There's no true rubric for when a person should let go, but there comes a time when you just simply have to do so--particularly if said ex has moved on.

But it's not an easy road to walk, and society certainly shouldn't make us feel as if it isn't. The key to finding closure from a relationship, or anything else for the matter, is to acknowledge what you feel, make sense of it and find ways to be at peace with it.

Yes, he's moved on. Yes, I wish we could've made things work out. But what now?

Life goes on. While he's out there enjoying his new life sans you, the last thing you want is to be the one stuck in the past all by your damn self. Sometimes the best way to make peace with what is out of our control is accepting that we simply do not have the control. Living in the past serves us no purpose. It's when we fully live in the present that we can truly grow and untap the happiness in our lives and the happiness that is yet to come.

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