What To Do If You’re Engaged But Still Fantasize About An Ex?

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 12/09/2014 | 02:30 PM EST

Centric explores the dangerous territory of having sexual desires for ex while planning to marry someone else

Many women can attest to how hard it is to shake off their feelings for an ex. But when you're already engaged to be married to someone else, it makes things all the more scandalous.

Granted, sexual attraction isn't exactly something we can turn off and on like a switch. It's more like something we either enable or we try to suppress.

But hypothetically speaking, let's say you're engaged to someone who is supposed to be the love of your life, but you often pine over a previous ex boyfriend, who you more or less still communicate with. Let's take it a step further: say you're beginning to have erotic dreams about said ex, and whenever you see or speak with him you often fantasize about sexual rendezvous together.

What exactly does this mean? Do you subconsciously want to be with your ex, or is it simply your libido and inner sexual being getting the best of you?


While it may not be a sure sign that you will cheat, it definitely proposes the notion that you could. While guidelines relating to exes should be designated by each individual couple, it's a pretty safe bet that allowing exes in the picture, no matter how long ago you dated, can present both nuanced and obvious problems.

If you have an ex who seemingly still has a profound affect on you sexually or emotionally, it's a sure sign that you should keep your distance. Trying to convince yourself that you can practice self control or that you no longer have feelings for an ex who obviously still turns you on is dangerous territory.

Even with that said, it could also be a sign that maybe you should reconsider your engagement, or at the very least postpone it. It would be quite heartbreaking to have your fiancée make his way all the way to the later only for you to get cold feet and realize that maybe you have more feelings for your ex then you let out to be.

Any woman who finds herself in such dating purgatory owes it to her fiancée to sit down and figure out her feelings before choosing to spend the rest of her life with one man, and possibly still holding on to another. While it would be embarrassing to have to call off a wedding because you last minute discovered that you’re not yet over an ex, it would be far more embarrassing to end up at divorce court after you’ve found out after the fact.

You can’t fully move forward in your dating life if you’re even remotely holding on or harboring old feelings for someone else. Don’t be that girl. Either you’re going to be all in or nothing at all. The choice is yours.

(Photo: Rick Gomez/Blend Images/Corbis)

Cynthia Bailey's New Boo Yahu Blackwell Is Fine As Hell

related stories

Case of Sexual Reeling

When You're In Love, But Your Man Doesn't Turn You On

The Art of Letting Go

When Your Ex Moves On, But You're Still Holding On

What Sleeping Naked Does...

Being in the buff can bring you and your mate closer

Keep Friends Out!

Your relationship is for you and your man, not your girls