People make up to breakup, but not all couples manage to stay salvage their relationship after a nasty falling out.
While disagreements and conflict are inevitable in any relationship where two individuals care deeply for one another, it doesn’t mean you can’t mitigate the havoc from love’s proverbial war zone. No matter your differences, the goal of any happy union should always be to love more and argue less.
Getting to a place of resolution, however, isn’t necessarily easy, nor can it always be done without its ugly hiccups. Resolving conflict in your relationship takes two willing participants to truly get to the root, which requires you to be rawly honest, vulnerable, and where applicable, admit fault. But as always, it’s easier said than done.
Take a look at Centric’s five best ways to resolve conflict in your relationship.
Communicate your grievance. Taking issue with something in your relationship is one thing, but communicating it maturely and clearly is the only way to ensure that your partner truly understands where you’re coming from. Acting out of anger--yelling, deflecting, walking away--only exacerbates the issue. Instead sit your partner down and properly communicate what you think and feel--that’s if you truly want a resolution. Don’t rely on your partner reading your mind, because it’s a setup for failure. Assuming that the person you’re dating or married to knows you well enough to know what is bothering you is naive. Even if you have to over-communicate yourself, do so. You can never be too clear when it comes to communication.
Listen to your partner’s complaint. In a relationship or marriage, the best thing you can learn is that it’s not always about you. While you may feel an urge to simply express how you feel about a particular matter, it’s also important that you learn how to listen to your partner. A relationship is not a dictatorship; it’s a haven where both parties are able to have their voices heard. Even if you think your significant other is wrong about something, it’s important to let them explain or clarify. The point is to get your partner’s side of the spectrum. Listening doesn’t necessarily mean you have to agree, it just means you’re willing to try to understand. Show your beau that value their feelings enough to hear them out. You just may discover something about yourself that you need to change, or a perspective you didn’t necessarily think about. If you’re not willing to listen to your partner, maybe you need to reevaluate whether or not you should be in a relationship at all.
Apologize. In the case that your partner expresses that you offended them, hurt their feelings or angered them, it’s important to start with an apology. “I’m sorry, that was not my intention” or “I sorry for hurting your feelings” are great starting points. Apologizing doesn’t have to mean that you’re relinquishing your power or "losing" the argument; it just means you love your partner enough to hear them out.
Find common ground or solution. After both you and your partner have expressed your grievances, the next step is to find a common ground. Following an apology, what can the two of you do to ensure that both are happy again? Simply acknowledging what’s wrong and issuing a “sorry” isn’t going to exactly fix it. This is where compromising is going to come into play. What can you do or say to make your partner feel better about the situation, what can be done to reinstate their self-esteem. If you choose to be in a relationship, you have to accept the work that comes with it. Not to mention, if you truly care or love someone it would feel more like second nature.
Apply what you learned, and do not repeat the same mistakes. The worst thing you can do is go through strife in your relationship, resolve it and yet make the same mistake. If your partner expresses something bothers them and you continue to do it, you not only open up an old womb, but you send the message that you do not value your loved one as much as you claim to. If you know your partner doesn’t like your flirtatious ways, but then you continuously get caught flirting, you can’t be surprised if your significant other decides to put the relationship on ice. Love is about discovery and application. Once you know better, do better. Otherwise kiss your love life goodbye.
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