Five Reasons Why Most People Are Single

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 10/16/2014 | 04:00 PM EDT

Self-sabotage is usually to blame for those without a mate

If you’re a single person in search for Mister or Miss Right, know that you’re not alone; there are over 90 million people in the United States who are unwed, and many of them are not alone because they choose to be.


In fact, more often than not people are single by chance and not by choice.


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So why are so many single Americans seemingly finding difficulty in the love department? Truthfully, that answer is complicated and often based on a case by case scenario. There are, however, a few common explanations as to why some people fail to find that special person to call their boo, and Centric is here to break it down for you.


In an effort to turn your dating life aroud, here are five reasons why most people are single.


Too Many Deal Breakers.
More often than not many of us have a list of things we want out of a mate. While having a shortlist of qualities you’d like is fair, having one as long as a grocery list is self-sabotage at its best. Reality check: you’ll never find the perfect partner. Having too lofty of a list not only makes your pickings few and far between, but it also sets you up for huge disappointment. Settle on the things that matter (read: not superficial). Focusing on qualities that are fair and realistic will almost always lead you in the right direction. But remember to never ask things of your potential partner that you can’t offer in return. So if you require someone who makes six figures, you better damn sure be making relatively the same. Instead look for things like whether or not you have the same values or whether you want the same things out of life, whether it be marriage or children. Try to find someone who matches or can understand your personality. The more simplistic your list, the better.


Most People Don’t Really Know What They Want.
This is the opposite of those who have too many things on their list. Typically this person will say they want a relationship but don’t like the things that come with it. Some people tend to envision that a relationship comes pre-packaged inside a pretty little box, wrapped with a red bow, when it’s more like play dough; you have to stretch and mold it to what you want it to be. In order to make a relationship last you have to be willing to put in the effort. The dating process is a marathon, not a race. You have to nurture your potential or brewing relationship; which includes scheduling dates regularly; actually taking the time to get to know your mate in and out; and being willing to be patient. Don’t say you want the results without going through all the necessary steps. As the old adage goes: Rome wasn’t built in a day.


Not Willing To Truly Be Monogamous.
Monogamy may sound cute in concept, but very few people seem to practice it. Making the commitment to sleep with or flirt with one person indefinitely is not always an easy task and should not be taken lightly. Let’s face it: there are a lot of attractive people (both inside and out) in the world. It’s totally normal to have a bit of reluctance when it comes to making that major step...which is why any true dating expert will tell you to take your time. You don’t have to commit yourself if you’re not ready. But what you should not do is convince someone that you are ready, only to waste their time, or worse, break their heart. Be honest with yourself and the person you’re dating. Monogamy is one of the most important pieces to a relationship. It’s where the “trust” factor is made or broken. When you feel you’ve found someone who can completely satisfy, go for it. Otherwise, pump the breaks.


Putting Career Before Love.
If having a love life that is worthwhile is truly important to you, then you have to be willing to compromise. You can and should always put your career before love. However, where most people get it wrong is that they think that the two can’t coexist. Life is about balance. No one thing should consume your life more than the other. Wanting a great career is commendable, but depriving yourself of a happy and healthy love life is criminal. You can get all the promotions and raises you want, but what good is it if you’re left with a void? Stop thinking that you have to have one or the other and start telling yourself that you can have both. Then there’s the Beyoncè litmus test. If she can do it so can you...right?


Not Letting Your Guard Down.
Vulnerability is not your enemy. Far too often people allow insecurities, bad dating experiences and fear to deprive them of being happy. The truth is, dating is always a risk. You risk it not working it out, you risk getting your heart broken. But love is like a casino, you always have to gamble in order to reap the rewards. It’s time people stop punishing themselves for wanting to be in love, and take that leap of faith. Nothing worth having comes easy, and no relationship flourishes without both people opening up and giving a piece of themselves to the other. Love is a gift, and it’s not freely given. It has to be earned. Letting down your guard allows the person you’re dating to truly understand you and it opens up an opportunity for them to do the same.


(Photo: Randy Faris/Corbis)

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