Why Do Women Stay With Bad Men?

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 09/09/2014 | 01:45 PM EDT

With recent news of the Ray Rice scandal and some of television's most dysfunctional relationships, CentricTV.com editor Gerren Keith Gaynor explores an alarming trend

It’s never a pretty sight when a woman is abused physically, emotionally or otherwise, and with the recent video image of Janay Palmer being assaulted by her husband, NFL baller Ray Rice, one thing’s for sure: domestic violence is never okay.

But what’s more troubling about the Rice fiasco is the fact that his wife has made the decision to not only stay with him but publicly defend him.


Palmer isn’t the only celebrity woman, however, to ignore the transgressions of her mate and stand by his side. “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” star Mimi Faust repeatedly defended boyfriend Nikko despite strong suspicions he leaked their now infamous sextape, along with popular opinion that he was only using her television fame for exposure (Mimi recently indicated she and Nikko are a done deal).

Not to mention, Faust seems to have a pattern for dating womanizers. Nikko lied about being married, while her previous relationship with her baby’s father Stevie J resulted in him having an affair and eventually marrying his mistress Joseline Hernandez. And even after being embarrassed on national television, it took Faust quite some time to fully let go of her love for Stevie.

As beautiful and smart women like Palmer and Faust may be, why is that they end up with and even stay with men who are clearly volatile to their lives?

The main problem is that some women (and even men) have a distorted idea of what love is. Love does not hurt. Love does not make a fool out of you. But unfortunately the desire to be loved, and the fear of never finding someone to love you better, leads many women along a destructive path. They begin to mistake abuse for love, they make excuses for their men because they refuse to be wrong--and this is especially true for women who have long patterns of not choosing the right guy.

Whether it’s domestic violence or emotional and spiritual turmoil, broken women will more than likely look pass the ills of their mates just to appear to have a man who loves them and cherishes them like the queens they are. But the fear of being single and the obsession of having companionship is no excuse for accepting the dehumanizing of a woman, or any human being for that matter.


But moving on is easier said than done, and it can’t be done alone. Broken women need a support system; they need a circle of friends and family who will hold them up and anchor them in love, and if need be, serious therapy.

Finding yourself in chaos is one thing, but staying in chaos is self-sabotage at its best. However, the blame is never on the victim. If you don’t know better, you’ll never do better, and if no one ever shows or teaches you what real love is, how will you ever be able to recognize what isn’t?

So to women who find themselves tied to bad men, it’s time to unravel that rope of dysfunction and demand better...because you deserve better.

The opinions expressed in this article are solely of the author and do not reflect the thoughts of Centric or BET Networks.

(Photos from Left: Maury Phillips/Getty Images For BET, Rob Carr/Getty Images)

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