'Heart Healer' Rob Hill, Sr. Helps Women Understand Men In Dating and Relationships [Exclusive]

Life & Love | Laurie Ramirez | 07/24/2014 | 01:30 PM EDT

The 26-year-old relationship author dishes on how the two sexes can date in harmony

You may have seen the name Rob Hill Sr. before; more than likely next to a line-worthy quote on your Instagram or Twitter timeline relating to matters of the heart. Hill, 26, is an author, entrepreneur, motivational speaker and philanthropist who uses his words of wisdom to spread positive, informative emphasis on relationships that inspires one to evaluate their friendships and romantic interests.


A self-described “heart healer,” Hill is the author of multiple books, including “Single People Who Still Understand the Value of Relationships” and “I Got You: Restoring Confidence in Love and Relationship.” His published work won him Amazon’s no. 1  bestseller in the “Relationship” category. Setting the new standard for singles and couples alike, Rob encourages his followers to find a better understanding on what it takes to date and grow as individuals, in order to find and sustain healthy relationships.


In an exclusive interview with CentricTv.com, Hill gives his male perspective on dating, shares his passion for writing, and dishes on his new projects that are in works for the fall. Check it out!


CENTRIC: When did you discover your love for writing and what made you want to focus it on love and relationships?


Rob Hill Sr.:
I think writing for me has just been an outlet. It’s always been a form of therapy for myself. Focusing it more towards relationships wasn’t necessarily my goal. I think I found it to be more so a gift. I was really just speaking my mind; it ranged from being a father, a young father to trying to find your dreams to just finding your way in life. But of course that includes relationships, and when I would talk about those things people really gravitate toward my opinions and naturally I just started to tap into that.


CENTRIC: In both of your books “I Got You: Restoring Confidence In Love and Relationships” and “For Single People Who Understand The Value of Relationships,” you give advice to both men and women on keeping their relationships healthy, happy and successful. For those who aren’t in a relationship what are your do’s and don’ts?


RH:
When you have unrealistic expectations. I think that’s the biggest one and it’s probably the reason why a lot of people run into problems. It’s cool to have some if you expect the person to be honest, you expect them to be upfront, and you expect them to be consistent but a lot of people put stuff on their significant other or the person they’re trying to build with and put a little too much. Their expectations are heavier than the way that the bond actually. They haven’t actually gotten close enough to see what it really is or what it really can be and people usually burn out too fast. So I would say don’t put out unrealistic expectations and don’t be in too much of a rush, don’t be impatient. Allow yourself time to build something real.


CENTRIC: How does a woman get pass her first date to ensure she gets a second one? You know on the first date it’s the make it or break it.


RH:
(Laughs). Yeah, its definitely the make it or break it date. I think [the key to] getting passed the first date is to be extremely authentic. I know I can tell if someone is trying to be something that they’re not and I think most people have that sense as well. So when you’re being authentic you have good conversations, you have some personality. You’re not just there to get a meal rather but you’re actually there because you’re interested in the person that’s sitting across from you; you know you have that authentic energy. I think that naturally leads to a second date because the person is intrigued...they want to know more. But if you’re not even remotely interesting or you’re just boring on the phone the whole time I’ll doubt you’re getting a call back. To me I tell people it’s all about giving the person something to look forward to. You got to strike something within their imagination or in their self-conscious that makes them want to know more about you and make them wish they had more.


CENTRIC: What’s the most important thing that women don’t understand about men that they should?


RH:
Men don’t dread relationships as much as women think we do. I’ve talked about that in my second book “For Single People Who Still Understand the Value of Relationships.” They just dread the BS that most relationships become. When it stops being an outlet, when it stops being a place he goes to where he can get that encouragement and support, when it stops being fun, free-flowing, when it stop showing growth. That’s what men kind of stray from but it’s not like men are trying to avoid them altogether. We enjoy the companionship; that’s why you hear all these guys screaming about women not being loyal. Their hurt is the reflection that whatever they had, whoever they put that faith into the first time it kind of blew up in front of their face and now the cool thing is to spread yourself thin. But it’s really just a way to play it safe and still have fun, which in the long run it ends up hurting you. But I don’t think men run from the healthy relationships, the one that you can tell she’s actually really good for your life. Men do enjoy those.


Sometimes you have to specify that we’re not talking about all men. You’re going to have some that are just knuckleheads who prefer it another way and that’s for them. But generally I feel like the average man, well the more common, progressive man who wants to be successful in life does see the value of companionship and of a strong relationship.


CENTRIC: What are some of the signs that show a man is actually interested in building a relationship instead of having a woman there for “fun”?


RH:
I think you can tell a lot by his conversations and his efforts. I always tell people effort is a reflection of interests and you can see when he attempts to see you and what fashion he attempts to see you, or what fashion he tends to talk to you.  Some guys will just text you and they will only try to see you after 8 or 9 or they’ll only hit you up on weekends to see if you’re going out or something like that, but they’ll never attempt to take you out to lunch, they don’t ask you to go to breakfast. Because at breakfast you actually have to have conversation, at lunch you actually have to have something to talk about. I think its all about when he attempts to see you and how or which methods he uses to communicate with you. Then you can tell where he is or where he’s trying to go with it versus you just being some convenient person that he talks to when he’s bored.


CENTRIC: In your book, “For Single People Who Still Understand the Value of Relationships” you mentioned that women should be more intriguing and challenging, but not too challenging by playing games. What are the three ways women can be intriguing, yet challenging without making it seem like their playing games?


RH:
Number one: be direct. Number two: communicate honestly and effectively, and three: be consistent. I always tell people you wouldn’t feel the need to play hard to get if you believed you were and in the midst of being a challenge. Sometimes it’s all a game because you’re not actually being yourself. It’s already challenging enough to find someone you can connect with and then even more challenging to get them to where they are interested in you as you are in them. You know we already have a lot of barriers that block us from actually getting to the part where we can say, ‘hey I like you, you like me too.’ So the point is to be direct to communicate like I said honestly and effectively. When I say effectively, a person understands what you’re conveying and not play the ‘I always hit you up first, you never hit me up’...all these games we like to play, which is pride and ego kind of interfering with the real stuff we want.


CENTRIC: What type of foundation needs to be built to have a long lasting relationship?


RH:
I’m 26. I think this generation understands the value of a relationship...we just don’t understand how to put values into one. We don’t understand how to be morally strong or discipline enough to actually respect a relationship. We know it’s possible. Listen, I wouldn’t be complaining about loyalty if I did not understand the need to have loyal people around me. I wouldn’t complain about lying if I didn’t understand the need to have people who can tell me the truth around me. I understand what a relationship of truth can do for me, but a lot of people don’t understand what it takes to actually contribute to being that. We want it to be instant. I think a lot of times, this generation we just want to pass people off as messed up and trifling.


We have a lot more in common when you peel back the layer. But people don’t want to take the time to do that. Everybody is tossing around these personas, these things that they really aren’t, but feel the need to kind of fit in or fit the mode of whatever life they think they want right now. But very little of it is real. If I never show you who I really am then we can never really take this beyond casual text. We can make each other laugh but we’re not really actually connecting, we aren’t really growing.


CENTRIC: How do you keep the relationship from being boring...what things can help continue the growth of learning more about one another?


RH:
At a base level we’re all different definitions of fun. I can take a blanket, some food and a couple drinks to the beach and chill out, have some music, relax and I can do that for a couple hours. Other people have to go to parties, they have to go to every event and they need the loud music, so it depends on what your definition of fun is.


The only way you can keep a relationship fun and exciting is if the two people that are in it are open minded. If you’re willing to try new things with me I’m willing to try new things with you. We share the things that we already have in common and we look for new experiences that we can go through and grow with together. But that takes a spirit of open-mindedness that a lot of people don’t have. They get into relationships and because their life is already so systematic, so scheduled that they rarely make time to interrupt any of that and they don’t realize that it’s necessary to interrupt that. We got to be each other’s break we got to be each other’s refresh button, so to speak. But it’s all about having the understanding of what your idea of fun is and you understanding what mines is and us finding common ground to thread those things together.


CENTRIC: Is it considered too aggressive for a woman to initiate moving the relationship phase or any phase for that matter?


RH:
Nah, it’s not too aggressive. It depends on the man and it depends on the approach of the woman, but I don’t think it’s too aggressive if a woman states that she’s interested in a man and I don’t think it’s too aggressive if she states that she wants to get to know more of him or anything in that regards.


CENTRIC: What advice would you give someone that’s been hurt before and how can they move forward from that hurt?


RH:
The simplest and most effective advice I can give is it’s going to happen again and you have to learn how to deal with it in a way that makes you stronger. Hurt is a part of life. You could be married 50 years and have bliss, but at one point that person that you’re married to may pass and that is going to hurt. We have to understand that it’s a necessary thing. The only way to heal your hurt is to open it. The only way to get to anything better, or anything more you feel you deserve, is to be open to the possibilities and the process. You can’t get so stuck in your hurt that you start avoiding the process that growth requires because if you don’t you leave yourself to be miserable with everything that hurt you. You don’t have any new experiences, you don’t have anything real to attach yourself to. You are basically stuck in that cycle of the replaying of what went wrong but never really getting close to anything that could be right and that’s a disservice.


CENTRIC: Any new projects in works for you that we can look out for?


RH:
I’m currently working on my book “The Missing Piece” which I’m trying to finalize the manuscript with the editor now. I’m also recording a new audiobook “When Soon Is Too Far” and we’re getting the “I Want You To Be Good Tour” geared up. We’re trying to get 10 cities in the fall, so the book, the audio album and the tour. Just trying to continue growing and being a positive influence on people’s lives for as long as God will allow me to do that.


(Photo: Marque Robinson)

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