'According to Him + Her': Do Mothers Come Before Your Relationship?

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 07/16/2014 | 04:30 PM EDT

Watch Centric's 'According to Him + Her' on Fridays at 10 p.m. EST

Dating a momma's boy or momma's little girl can be dangerous territory. Just ask Kandi Burruss' husband Todd Tucker.


The clashing between a spouse and mother is no pretty sight; fighting for equal attention, demanding respect and the like. This can be a rather uncomfortable position for the one stuck between his or her mom and lover.


On this week’s episode of “According to Him + Her” experts will weigh in on Rule 3: “Momma always comes first. You come second.”


While mothers undoubtedly have the upper hand of having birthed their child and therefore acquiring the lifelong privilege of respect and admiration, it doesn’t not give them the right to overstep their boundary. Not to mention, no sensible adult would ever put disrespect or even put another person before his or her mother.


However, there are healthy relationships and then there are unhealthy relationships between a mother and child. Over attachment isn’t cute, and one’s inability to recognize the difference should be a red flag to any partner coming into the picture.


Talking to your mom everyday is perfectly fine, as is dropping by to check up on her from time to time. But if it’s done in a way that is a hindrance to one’s relationship, chances are there’s something wrong.


What’s clear is that moms and spouses are two completely different things; the two roles function in totally separate areas. However, both deserve the proper amount of respect. Proper respect does not mean that one wins over the other or that one is more important than the other; they just play different positions.


Think of it like sports, whether you’re the point guard or the shooting guard, you all play for the same team.


But in the case that a mother and spouse do not get along, it’s not up to the son or daughter to choose between his or her mom and partner. The goal is to ensure that everyone’s concerns and needs are met and that everyone gets to a place of mutual respect.


Ultimately, everyone has to play their position. Mothers have to understand that another woman or a man doesn’t mean that they’re losing their child but that they do have loosen their grip, and spouses have to accept the fact that mothers will always have a special place in their partner’s heart.


So in the words of Rodney King: can we all just get along?

 


(Photo: 68/Ocean/Corbis)

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