Is It Appropriate Communicate With Serious Ex When You're Married?

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 07/04/2014 | 09:00 AM EDT

Should 'death 'till you part' nuptials also include an 'ex' clause?

Everyone knows that with marriage comes some sacrifices. Hanging out with friends, partying and frivolous spending usually go out the window once you say “I do.” It's all a part of growing up.

But where do exes fall in this equation?

While it’s assumed that most people cut ties with ex lovers once the relationship has been terminated, the reality is that many continue to keep in touch with their former significant others long after it’s ended.


But once you walk down the aisle and profess your love and commitment in front of God, family and friends, is it such a wise decision to stay connected to someone you used to be in love with?

It would be easy to think that a ring and marriage license somehow makes one immune to temptation, but the truth of the matter is that it only makes things more challenging - and the last thing you or your partner need is the allurement of someone who once had the very heart you now share with your spouse.

Whether or not you choose to stay close to your ex is undoubtedly a personal decision to make, but to avoid ending up in a heated debate with your husband or wife, it may be wise to be honest about your friendship with your ex to put their mind at ease. Not to mention, discussing such a topic allows you to find out whether staying in touch with an ex is a point of contention for your partner.

Still, exes should always be dealt with from a distance. Getting too close for comfort may create awkward and unnecessary predicaments, particularly if interactions are done in front of your spouse.

The more serious you and your ex were the less likely of a good idea it is to keep them around. We all see what happens on television and in films, and art most certainly loves to imitate life and vice versa.

Even if you’re lucky enough to be in a marriage with someone who’s secure and trusts you, the real question is whether or not you can trust yourself. Hypothetically speaking, if you and your spouse end up going through a rough patch in the marriage, do you think your ex would try to help you fix your relationship...or help get you in between the sheets?


Unless you and your ex have children together, the safest route is to keep them far away from you and your marriage. Once you decide to enter the realm of ‘till death do you part, it should also include the end of your ties to your past. Better safe than sorry, right?

(Photo: Ronnie Kaufman/Larry Hirshowitz/Blend Images/Corbis)

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