Is It Selfish For A Man To Leave His Wife Because She Can't Have Children?

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 04/16/2014 | 03:15 PM EDT

Many women cannot physically produce kids of their own for various reasons, but should that affect whether or not her man stays?

Couples separate and divorce for various reasons like infidelity, financial disagreements and even incompatibility. But what if a husband wanted to leave his wife because she could not have children?

Such was the case in the premiere episode of “Love In The City,” where co-star Chenoa Maxwell revealed that her husband, Carlyle, asked for a separation because she couldn’t have children after seven years of unsuccessful fertility treatments. At 43, Chenoa is faced with the possibility of having to end her 11-year marriage.


“You always want to give your man whatever he wants. You want to look good, you want to cook good, you want to have great sex and you want to give him kids,” she said. “Three out of four I was okay with, but there’s no amount of looking good, or cooking good or sexual satisfaction that can compete with the desire of a man wanting a kid.”

Chenoa revealed that she and her husband spent most of their savings trying to get pregnant and eventually grew apart.

Having children for millions of single and married men and women is a must priority. Some feel they will never be truly fulfilled until they have the experience of raising a child. With that considered, is such a desire strong enough, or justifiable enough to want to leave your spouse if you somehow can't acheive it?

Chenoa, who was clearly desperate to keep her husband, even suggested that her husband could sleep with another woman to conceive a child, and said that she would be completely fine with it, if it meant that she could salvage her marriage.

But why is it that women have to always bend over backwards for the sake of appeasing a man? It’s quite unlikely that a man would say the same thing if he were not able to get his wife pregnant.

Unfortunately, everyone will not get to live the experience of bringing a child into this world - but on the flip side of infertility is adoption. While having a biological child of your own is a fair-minded ideal, when life hands you obstacles you make the best of it, not simply throw your marriage away.


To leave your spouse because she (or he) is unable to physically give you a child is probably one of the most selfish things you could do, because it signifies that you don’t really love your partner...just the idea of obtaining the fairy tale of what society says a family should look like. Life isn’t always pretty, and anyone who runs at the sight of darkness is a coward and shouldn’t be in a relationship - especially a marriage -  to begin with.

While there’s sympathy to be had for any couple that is denied to opportunity to conceive a child of their own, there’s no giving of passes to run out the door when the kitchen happens to get too hot.

The opinions expressed in this article are solely of the author and do not express the thoughts of Centric or BET Networks.

(Photo: Fuse/Getty Images)

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