Tatyana Ali Says She Won't Date a 'Struggling' Man, Is It Shallow?

Life & Love | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 03/19/2014 | 03:15 PM EDT

The actress says her days of dating guys who don't have it together are long gone

Though Tatyana Ali dished on why “struggling” dudes are just not for her a week ago during a radio interview, the 35-year-old actress took the time to clarify what she meant and why.

“[On The Breakfast Club Morning Show] they asked me if I would date a struggling actor. Or somebody struggling. That’s totally different. [I said 'No' but] I thought a lot about my answer after I left because I’m not a materialistic person at all. Like, I’m really not, you know what I mean?,” she told Necole Bitchie.

“When I say, ‘You have to be successful already,’ it’s not in terms of money. It means in terms of your purpose. You have to have come into your purpose already because I’m already in mine. So I don’t see myself being with somebody who’s still searching. To me, that’s struggling.”

While Ali’s words are understandable and even sensible, it wouldn’t be a surprise if someone misconstrued them as “shallow.” To play devil’s advocate, what exactly is wrong with dating a guy who may not have it all together? What if he’s a great wholesome guy with great morals, but just isn’t exactly where he wants to be in life quite yet?

The short answer, of course, is that where you want your mate or potential mate to be is totally incumbent on you and your personal needs. Considering Ali is a seasoned actress in her mid 30s, it’s not particularly surprising that she would want a man who isn’t just figuring out what he wants to do with his life or just getting himself together financially, or otherwise. While dating someone with “potential” may work for someone in the 20s, it will more than likely become a pain of an issue in your 30s - an age group where most people are starting to purchase homes and establish their retirement plans.

There’s nothing wrong with dating someone who may not be living in their “purpose” as Ali says, per say. However, in a relationship where one person is fully realized, so to speak, and the other not so much, it could certainly lead to an unbalanced union. You don’t have to be “equal,” but you also shouldn’t be in two completely different places in your life. Of course, who you date and how you date is totally up to you and should be based on what works best for you because you’re ultimately the one who has to function within the relationship.

What do you think? Would you date someone who was “struggling”?

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