'According To Him + Her': The 90-Day Rule Lives On

Life & Love | Bené Viera | 03/14/2014 | 01:32 PM EDT

Don't miss the premiere of 'According to Him + Her' on Friday, Mar. 21 at 9 p.m. EST

Rules in dating usually gives people pause. Dating is meant to be fun, it should flow organically. Dating rules just scream boring or uptight. But the 90-day rule lives on.


For those who don’t know, the 90-day rule is a woman waiting to have sex with the guy she’s dating for at least 90 days. The idea behind the rule is that it takes at least 90 days (three months) to get to know someone, and that women need to take time to see if the man is truly interested in her or if he just wants sex. By day 90, this should be clear.


Relationship experts who are pro-90 day rule believe it raises a woman’s chances of avoiding heartache, being able to decipher if the guy is a “good” man and getting the end goal of the relationship. Others have argued the man will respect her more for making him wait.


In theory, the 90-day rule is sound advice. In general it’s a good idea to get to know the person you’re dating without clouding the early stages with the complexities of sex. But the flipside of that is what if a woman is only looking for sex? Perhaps she doesn’t want a relationship. The 90-day rule is totally thrown out of the window.


It’s also not safe to assume every woman will become emotionally attached, clingy or desperate for a relationship once sex is involved. It’s simply not true. There’s no problem with women knowing what they want and choosing to get it sooner rather than later.


On both sides of the coin there are examples of women who’ve made the man wait 90+ days and he still turned out to be a jerk or they weren’t compatible or she still never got the title. And there are women who owned their sexuality and got it in within the first 30 days and has been happily married for two decades.


In dating there’s no absolutes. But in general, if it’s a relationship one desires and you’re really feeling a guy, there’s no harm in waiting to make sure the chemistry is still there or that he’s still consistent after a couple of months. And if you’re shouting, ‘To hell with rules!’ and have sex with the person you’re dating before 90 days, no shame in that either. Do you while looking out for you at the same time.

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