Former Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks sat down with "The Breakfast Club" to talk about her upcoming show Celebrity Grounds, her role on Real Husbands of Hollywood and her past love life. Known for a few public relationships-- an engagement to Nick Cannon and relationship with Terrence J-- EBanks talked about not being focused on what you need to do when you're in a relationship.
Loosely put, one of the reasons Terrence J and Selita broke up was because they wanted to focus on their careers.
“He went to L.A. He’s got bigger and better things,” she explained. “E! News doing it big! Shout out to him. [...]It was just a lot of things. I had to focus more on my acting. He’s contracted to E! News. We just decided to do our own thing.”
She added, “A lot of times in relationships people tend to put the other person in front of them and they lose focus of what they need to do. I think a little bit of that was happening.”
Relationships being a distraction for you to achieve your goals is a topic that keeps coming up. In an interview with Bethenny Frankel last month, Ashanti said relationships were a distraction. Now we’re wondering: Can you reach the ultimate peak of success while being in a relationship? Do you need to be single to truly focus on all your goals?
On one hand the certain level of success that brings in million dollar checks requires a great deal of sacrifice. Almost 100 percent of one’s time has to be devoted to the craft. There’s a certain level of dedication and focus it takes to be uber successful that doesn’t allot much time for anything else, especially a relationship, which requires time, nurturing, support and investment. It would seem as if what Ashanti and EBanks have said is true. Would Oprah be Oprah had she been married? Granted, she has been in a relationship with Stedman Graham all these years.
Then there’s the flip-side of the coin: President Barack Obama and Michelle Obama. The POTUS and FLOTUS have been married 21 years, long before Barack was the president. They’ve talked at length about struggling together. Their relationship and later marriage didn’t hinder them from the level of success they each obtained.
It’s also important to note the generational difference between Michelle Obama versus Ashanti and EBanks. Michelle’s goal of marriage was probably equally as important as success. Certainly the value of relationships and marriages has shifted over the years. Also, the entertainment business is a unique field. Fame makes the complexities of relationships even more difficult.
While I do think Ebanks and Ashanti have a point, I also think about all the women and men in their 40s who chased their dreams in their 20s and 30s while completely neglecting their love lives. Many women (and men) don’t want children or marriage. More power to them! But the ones who do, whether celebrities or non-celebs, we’ve witnessed women lamenting that the higher the career ladder they’ve climbed the harder it’s been to find compatible partners. Some even feel their time has passed to have children.
It’s all about finding a balance. Success requires more than the average person is willing to put in. But if love and marriage is also a goal, why not try to find the person who will motivate and grow with you as you both achieve success?
Do you think being single is the key to reaching success? Does your career suffer because of lack of focus when you’re in a relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!