Nia Long recently told 30-something single ladies to be patient. In an interview with Rolling Out the mother of two said, “It doesn’t happen for everyone at the same time, so you can’t compare your life to someone else’s."
Nia is 43. Her The Best Man Holiday co-star Sanaa Lathan is 42. Both women are unmarried although Long is in a relationship with her son’s father, Spurs coach Ime Udoka. A stunning Sanaa Lathan was glowing at the premiere of The Best Man Holiday. However, the Twitter conversation quickly turned to why she was single. Faux-concerned strangers were “worried” about when she was going to start having kids.
Thanks to patriarchy, once a woman hits mid-thirties and is unmarried society assumes something must be wrong with her. Society also assumes every woman wants marriage and kids. Slews of women do not. Oprah told an interviewer, “I’m gonna leave this earth as a never married woman, and that’s really okay with me.”
That should be a woman’s choice without any kind of judgment.
Oprah didn’t want marriage and children, but in the case of women like Sanaa or Regina Hall who’ve expressed wanting a partner and maybe kids we wonder if women are opting out of marriage while focusing on the pursuit of their dreams.
Unfortunately, women have a biological clock if they want to have children. More women in Hollywood are having healthy babies past the age of 40. Other women may not be so lucky. If marriage and kids is what women want should they focus on love in their 30s while also climbing the career ladder? Or perhaps it’s not that successful women who want marriage aren’t focused on it, maybe they’ve tried the relationship route and it hasn’t worked.
It’s a myth that “good” black men don’t exist. It’s also not very likely that so many Black men are intimidated by successful Black women. We also believe one can have the noteworthy career, love and kids at any age. But we’d imagine it gets a bit tougher to find someone compatible and not stuck in their ways the older one gets, and that goes for men and women.
A lot of time has to be invested in nurturing relationships. Successful women and equally successful men are short on time to spare. Then add the element of fame that women like Nia and Sanaa have, which adds another level of complexity to dating.
We say let women live how they want: single, dating, married with children, childless or unmarried. More power to the women chasing dreams who refuse to settle. For those 30-somethings who are career driven but want to be married, you’re multi-faceted women. Expend energy in both places. There’s nothing wrong with going after what you want. And that includes love.