Brandy Admits She Didn't Want To Live After Fatal Car Accident

Entertainment | Gerren Keith Gaynor | 04/14/2016 | 09:00 AM EDT

(Photo: Brad Barket/BET/Getty Images for BET)

'There were moments I wanted to just salute and check out,' the singer says

Brandy is raw and honest to the core on an upcoming episode of Centric's "BEING," opening up about some of the toughest moments in her life. 

One of those moments is the infamous 2006 car accident she was involved in that left a woman dead. 

Though the freak accident resulted in a lawsuit that was later settled out of court, it's something that has haunted the Grammy-winning singer, both personally and publicly.

"I really don't know how to describe it because I still don't understand it all. I try not to think about it, but this is a part of my life," Brandy says in #BEINGBrandy, which airs April 23. "I didn't feel like I deserved to be alive. I felt like why not me? It was so difficult...I couldn't push passed it."

The media and public, she says, were especially "cruel," often calling the singer a murderer.

"That's not true," Brandy said. 

Brandy Talks Being 'Upset' With Whitney Houston, 3-Hour Chat Before Her Death

"That really f**ked with me in how I felt. I stayed connected to my intentions. If I was to listen to what everybody said about me--that word in particular--I would've gone insane."

But there was a time, Brandy said, that she almost let the negativity get the best of her.

"There were moments I wanted to just salute and check out," she admitted. "But I can't check out because I have a daughter. What is she gonna do if you just not choose to get on your feet?"

The "Zoe Ever After" star says she had to not just move on but "move forward" from the guilt and pain. 

Her daughter Sy'rai, now 13, was the singer's saving grace. 

"She has giving me so many reasons to first survive and live. I wouldn't be here if she wasn't born," she said. 

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