Karrine Steffans To Rotimi: 'I Deserve To Have My Pain Acknowledged'

Entertainment | 09/09/2015 | 02:00 PM EDT

Steffans further explains her hurt of losing a child

As Karrine Steffans continues to mourn the loss of her unborn child, the author and former video vixen is providing more insight into the situation and her frustrations with the child's alleged father, "Power" actor Rotimi.

 

Steffans has posted a series of Instagram messages airing out her feelings, but one in particular details the hurt she experienced when she says Rotimi turned his back on her after the miscarriage. She believes he was scared of the "exposure" he would receive in dealing with her.

 

Steffans wrote:

 

"I'm good to people, especially the men in my life. But this has always been the problem. I've financially supported my past husbands, taken abuse to the point of near death, and let people do all kinds of fuck shit to me and around me. But that was the old me. I'm 37 years old and the last thing a man can do is fuck over me and walk away without at least a lim. Now, everyone's weaknesses are different. Some men fear simple loss of contact. Some men fear your happiness as you move on. Some men fear exposure. Now, after I've had enough of someone's shit, I play on their fear-- that one thing that will bother them the most. Some people, you just let them be. You never cared enough to push any of their buttons. But, some people, you want to hurt as badly as they've hurt you. Sure. Vengeance belongs to The Lord but sometimes, I get impatient. I've already prayed about that and asked for my punishment with no fear. I'm built for it. I was alone when I lost her and alone when I woke up in the middle of a subsequent D&C. I felt everything. I let out a horrid scream, a shrill, that scared everyone, even me. I will never be the fucking same after that. I will never forget that feeling. That noise. My love, my best friend in the whole world refused to discuss it or even just listen to my cries. He shut down and I understood. I told hime he didn't have to say anything. Just listen. But that was too much for him. Yet, when one of his closest friends recently died, I was there. When anything happened, I was there. Day or night, even when I didn't know what to say. I was just there. When he didn't have a job, when he was hustling for one, I was there driving him everywhere he needed to be until he booked something. I was always there. Still, during my pain, he asked, "Why can't you just be happy all the time?" Women are often expected to just fucking smile and be cute and never crack. I'm not a robot. I'm a person, and just as he hurts, I hurt and I deserve to have my pain acknowledged. Some people want you to invest in their pain but will never be willing to invest in yours. Exposure was his fear. Being abandoned was mine. This is how we settle @rotimimusic."

 

Rotimi has yet to respond to Steffans' claims.

 

(Photos from left: WENN, Noel Vasquez/Getty Images for Hennessy V.S)

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